No one aspires to be a member of this club.

It is a sorority born of sorrow. The American Gold Star Mothers is an association of heartache and understanding, as longtime members help new ones deal with the pain of losing a son or daughter in war. Then, when the sadness lifts a little, their lives also can be transformed through service to veterans.

"You're with women in the same position. They understand how you feel," said Margaret Ferraro of Sharpsburg, a Gold Star Mother since 1968. "If you walk away and cry, that's OK, but we'll come after you."

Founded June 4, 1928 by 25 mothers who lost sons in World War I, the American Gold Star Mothers has continued its mission of assisting veterans, helping other mothers touched by war, keeping the memory of those who sacrificed their lives, furthering patriotism within their communities and promoting peace. These are high goals for those who wear their Gold Star pin proudly in honor of their children. In fact, everyone in the deceased's family can wear a Gold Star pin.

Ferraro's involvement came after the death of her 19-year-old son, David, on June 30, 1966. He was killed by friendly fire in Vietnam.

She remembers the night before, when she was packing for a trip to visit her older son at college. She had a sudden chill and thought, "David, I hope you're OK."

This mother's wish did not come true. With less than a year of service as a paratrooper, her youngest son was dead.

She was at work when Army officials came to announce the news. Her parish priest sent someone to look for her husband who was getting a haircut. Too soon, they held David's funeral at Madonna of Jerusalem Catholic Church.

Those moments are as clear today as when they happened. They are something every Gold Star Mother shares.

Frances Colletto, 94, president of the Allegheny County Chapter of the organization, knows the horrors of war and the joys of service. Since she joined the group, she has logged thousands of hours at the VA Pittsburgh Healthcare System on Highland Drive in the city.

"Doing good makes us feel better," said Colletto, of Pittsburgh's Morningside neighborhood. "It helps us."

Her son, Pfc. Albert Colletto Jr. of East Liberty, also a paratrooper, had survived the famous battle of Hill 937, "Hamburger Hill," in May 1969.

The battle had been so gruesome and frightening that Colletto of Company C wrote a poem in honor of his buddies who died. That poem, "In Memory of Hamburger Hill," was placed into the Congressional Record.

On Aug. 12, after shooting two of a trio aof snipers near Saigon, Colletto was killed at age 20.

After his death, he earned the Silver Star for "gallantry in action." He died a hero and was remembered by co-workers from Kaufmann's Department Store for his friendly and likable nature.

Her son's story was the sameas many in the late 1960s: high school graduation, few job prospects, joining the military. His death propelled Frances into new roles provided by the Gold Star Mothers as she raised her family. Leadership roles took her to state and national conventions.

Greg Zambano, 57, of Greensburg was in the ninth grade when his brother, Quentin Dennis Zambano, was killed in Vietnam on Oct. 15, 1967, just one day after his 21st birthday.

The second lieutenant was fatally wounded while advising the first Battalion, 50th Mechanized Infantry soldiers as they searched a village. Days later, the family learned of his death.

"It's usually two guys, and they just show up at the door," Greg said. "When they come, you know."

The family had heard from their eldest son about once a week by mail. The Zambano's second son, Fred, a Marine, even had placed a shortwave-radio call via Australia to stay in touch. All of the brothers were together again for the funeral. Caroline Zambano had contacted her congressman to allow for Fred to escort Dennis's body home. It was a bittersweet homecoming.Soon after, Dennis was awarded a Bronze Star for valor, a Bronze Star oak leaf cluster, an air medal and a Purple Heart.

Mrs. Zambano became a member of the American Gold Star Mothers on Dec. 10, 1969. The organization gave her an interest and a support group. There was the social side of it, too. Through the years, she had been president and treasurer, and she took part in holiday celebrations.

The Greensburg Memorial Chapter, chartered in 1955, had nearly 30 members participating decades ago. Slowly, the membership faded until the Westmoreland County chapter was disbanded, and the few members were accepted by the Allegheny County Chapter in 2003.

"There should be a new generation," Greg said, "from Desert Storm and the other conflicts."

In Pittsburgh, there was a heyday of activity for the Allegheny Chapter in the late 1960s. Ferraro, who held many local and state offices, remembers when the women used to gather Downtown for meetings. Today, only a few of its members are still active. Having worked as a nurse and an emergency medical technician, she found time to give back to veterans. She still does. Every week, she volunteers at the Veterans Affairs hospital in O'Hara.

"I'm glad I'm able to sit with them and talk," she said. "They can (complain) if they want or compliment the hospital if they want. It doesn't matter."

She sees herself and other Gold Star volunteers as a surrogate family for the veterans, whose own family might be many miles away.

Visits make their time pass more quickly. Little parties for the vets lift their spirits with root beer and doughnuts.

But as she sits, she wonders if her son could have handled being incapacitated. Her only answer is "God works in mysterious ways."

Holidays are the hardest for every Gold Star Mother, with family holidays the worst.

"John sends money for flowers on the altar for Christmas and Easter and Masses on the anniversary of David's death and birthday," Ferraro said.

This son had wanted to join the Air Force after his brother died. His parents, however, had another thought. Today, he is raising a family of his own after a long career with the FBI.

"Gram, what was David really like?" her grandson once asked her.

"Dad doesn't talk about him. He just gets very sad."

The beautiful singing voice and the great personality have been missed now for 43 years. It is John's biggest sorrow that his children didn't have the chance to know their uncle. Margaret eases the ache by staying active in her volunteer work.

"American Gold Star Mothers will always feel their losses but do not dwell on mourning. Instead, they live by their dedicated purposes and service -- that this world might be a better place to live," the group's mission statement reads.

Margaret puts it more simply: "We're there to help the veterans. We do what needs to be done."

Those interested in joining the American Gold Star Mothers can call Margaret Ferraro at 412-782-3338 or Frances Colletto at 412-661-3008.

There are 13 chapters of American Gold Star Mothers in Pennsylvania.